As strange, surprising, and unbelievable as it may seem, my grandiose epic about the United States of America has exhausted itself, coming to its logical and physical conclusion. Simply put, it's ending.
If you liked the series, you MUST link to this post on your page and leave a comment ON MINE. I spent over a hundred hours on it – don't let my efforts go to waste. I want readers, and if I get lucky – to hit the Yandex top. Don't be lazy! Tell your friends on ICQ and Skype, they'll find it interesting, print it out for your mom and dad, and tell it to your kids at bedtime, skipping the swear words.
Next up – a brief overview of all the issues with links, so it's easy to find the post you need or read them in order. At the end of the post – the actual concluding part.
1. The Beginning (aka almost Batman – I fly too)
This part tells you where and how to buy a ticket, how to behave at the airport, what to eat on the plane, and how cleverly Sheikh Rashid Al Maktoum built up Dubai using oil money. Also: what to expect upon arrival, and why you'll absolutely need a ballpoint pen.
In this part, we'll see a map of the area where I've been, find out what size Lake Michigan is, and admire American road signs. We'll also learn why there are only two seasons in Wisconsin instead of four, how roadside eateries are set up, and how American gas differs from European gas.
In this part, we'll learn what a buffet and an eggroll are, how American soup differs from normal soup, why you need to demand hot tea when ordering, and why Mexican Coca-Cola is better than American. We'll also discover that root beer isn't beer at all, and that drinking ice-cold beverages is good for you when you have a sore throat.
A chapter that explains why the megacorporation “Walmart” embodies a great evil, what Americans think of a guy wearing regular speedos, and how consumption dictates consciousness, rather than existence doing so. From it, you can also learn what a 12-pack is, how many billions Americans owe the world, and who “those who must not be named” are.
A chapter explaining why Chicago is a beautiful city and what its nickname is, what it's made of and by whom, as well as what percentage the value-added tax is in the US. It also has lots of beautiful photos, a mention of delicious chocolate chip cookies, and musings on the topic of exploiting the working class.
A chapter that lays out what a planetarium, a Chicago City Pass, and Will Call are, shows the garments of the ancient Sumerians and a starry sky projector that looks like a spacesuit. It also contains info on the half-assed work of composer Laurie Anderson, and features the first appearance of a T-shirt with a funny slogan.
A chapter that features various Chicago landmarks, namely: parks, a bridge, and a fountain. It also talks about ecology, Jews, lobbying, and a mysterious blob.
A section presenting entertaining information about the Chicago restaurant Grand Lux Cafe and the degrees of steak doneness. It also wouldn't hurt to know how to avoid getting scammed, why people wear fur coats to restaurants in the summer, what Amélie did with crème brûlée in the movie, and why waiters bring vases to Russian people (No, not for puking in, like you thought).
A section in which we virtually dive into the ocean depths, learn how to visit a website on the internet that no longer exists, and admire seahorses and corals. Then we gaze at dolphins, belugas, and the oldest zoo resident in the world, significantly older than you and me. And at the end, we'll even see a dragon.
A humorous post talking about the creepy citadel of totalitarianism and theocracy called the USA, proving that Jesus rode dinosaurs, and showcasing the main and tallest of the thousands of towers zombifying the populace.
A post reflecting on the triumph of political correctness and melting pot politics, but not forgetting what makes up the main part of any person's life. For those who are more normal, it's food, and for the rest – the TV.
12. Hancock Tower and the Museum of Science
A post where we find out how much a combine harvester with GPS and a DVD player costs, and where you can play the great game of Mindball. We'll also grasp that black folks aren't as scary as they look. But photographers are scary to nature, though not to freshly hatched chicks.
13. Tournament and Dinner at Medieval Times
A story uncovering the mystery of how a medieval castle ended up in the USA, and also explaining that spectacle and showing off – are two sides of the same coin, only one is good and the other is bad.
A story about why an American apartment suits extroverts, how awesome it is to have a pool in the yard, and how tough it is to have four cats. It also features an unjustified comparison of TV with the internet, the difference between a condo and an apt., doubts about the benefits of recycling, and convictions about the benefits of fences around dumpsters.
A tale about clothing and shoe stores, wondering why stretch jeans are unpopular in the US, explaining the difference between clearance and a sale, as well as blatantly plugging a shoe brand and praising American warranty service. You must read newkara's comment.
What Bill Gates has to do with the theme park industry. The devil is not as black as he is painted when it comes to roller coasters. The present and future of wooden roller coasters. Frightening photos and advice from a veteran.
The tortilla as the foundation of Mexican cuisine. What a fajita, burrito, and taco are. How to properly eat watermelon. The true meaning of the word “spicy”. And also: why Mexicans need lime, why Mexican soup is dear to the Russian heart, and how Mexicans live in America.
Where the largest dome on the planet is located, what the most popular name in the US is, and what the best universities in the world are. Also: why state capitals are small, where to get marble for bathroom tiles, and why American authorities are close to the people.
Quoting Wikipedia, from which you can learn what an edible submarine is, and that McDonald’s is by no means the largest fast-food chain in the US. As well as the fact that “fast food” does not equal “junk food", how many calories are in hamburgers, and how to lose weight and get rich at the same time.
21. Gym, Pet Store, and Ice Cream
A photo report from which you can grasp what should be right in front of your exercising nose at a respectable fitness center, and just how much Americans love hobbies and hypocrisy. And also: what a Banana Split, a Sundae, and toppings are, and where it's best to buy ice cream.
An archaeohistorical opus explaining how to properly manipulate society and cartographers for your own benefit, why Frank Lloyd Wright is great and mighty, and a thrilling construction story involving 10 lawsuits. Bonus: where a student can live a fun life.
23. Woodman's Supermarket Chain and Food, Part 1
The story of how a butcher whose last name means Carpenter founded a grocery store. Read also: how nice it is to be the secretary of a sold startup, why corporations sometimes actually aren't evil, how you can sign without ink, and why some stores don't accept credit cards.
24. Woodman's Supermarket Chain and Food, Part 2
An essay on the topic of: "giant vegetables as the quintessence of the American mentality," how a dip differs from a dressing, and pickles from relish. Also: the hysteria over organic and GMO foods, the hardcore peppers of the world, and the absolute scale of spiciness.
25. Woodman's Supermarket Chain and Food, Part 3
As one reader said, "to understand a nation, food is more important than facts." So in the third part, we'll be talking about sweets in the form of twizzlers and jelly belly, as well as multicolored artificial sweeteners and canned coffee drinks.
26. Arrival in Wisconsin Dells and Lake Delton
A video report on the terrible floods and the fake photos by the lying fox news channel. Also: HDR landscapes, the meaning of the word refill, and recommendations not to buy bottled water.
A tourist brochure on who Rick Wilcox is, what there is to do in the tourist town of Wisconsin Dells, and what roasted ribs taste like. As a bonus – a joke about a dog and a fire hydrant, as well as the translation of the idiom bite me.
A tour of the casino reveals topics to us like: the oppression of Native Americans by Americans and the simultaneous compensation for this oppression, what a Dream Catcher is really for, and why some animals are more equal than others when it comes to hiring.
A post with no text at all, but highly understandable to those who've read the rest.
30. Riverside & Great Northern Railway
A postcard with a little steam locomotive, train cars, and an imposing conductor and engineer. And all of the above serving as an example of a non-profit aka a non-profit cooperative.
31. Photographer Henry Bennett's Studio Museum
Photojournalism about how the phenomenon itself emerged, as well as the high-speed shutter and other photography inventions. Features excellent vintage pics with links to entire galleries. Bonus: the quirks of copyright.
A discussion on what the concentration of a nation's mentality in freight transport is, what a flood looks like, and whether GPS is useful in wartime.
The beauties of nature: how a buffalo differs from a bison, and who is more efficient at extermination: Europeans or Americans. Also: snacks as a haven for glutamate, and whether it's true that snacks are made from oil. Bonus: a photo of a rainbow.
Mysteries of nature and society: games people play, crazy Christian cultists, the poverty of the English language, and jumping worms. Seasoned with excellent HDR landscapes.
Lost memories about what zhorka is, and whether Americans know about the USSR. Bonus: a joke about tourism vs immigration.
Experiments with time zones and food, a Belgian woman with a French accent, and secret knowledge about luggage in the comments.
37. Conclusion
You're reading it right now.
Disclaimer for those who are here for the first time.
1. All photos are clickable: they lead to a larger size, the original, or informational resources.
2. This epic doesn't claim to be objective or factual. It's a work of art, so fantasy and blowing smoke are only a plus here.
3. The posts vary in quality and how interesting they are. Read at least the first 4, and then decide whether to keep reading.
4. All posts can be copied, modified, and used in any way under the cc-by license, meaning just by mentioning my name and the blog's address.
5. I will try to answer all meaningful comments, but not immediately.
6. I don't friend anybody, and I use swear words. Sorry.
Now, the wrap-up.
In principle, all these posts were interesting for me to write, albeit quite exhausting – after a workday, and in the summer no less, when it's better to go out into nature rather than sit at a computer. But there are plenty of upsides too. I realized that you can steal pictures for everything on the internet. I also learned a lot of interesting things about the places I visited while reading up on stuff to spice up the posts. My memory, as it turned out, isn't that bad – I recalled so much stuff without any notes. I won't repeat that mistake now – I'll be writing everything down. Unfortunately, I don't have a laptop or a smartphone, because they're rarely needed and cost a lot. And on paper I scribble such chicken scratch that I can't even decipher it myself later. I realized that you do actually have to take pictures, even though I don't know how to do it.
Thanks to those who commented. Thanks again to those who dealt with me in the US, especially my sister. Her efforts weren't in vain, as you can see – I was full of enough impressions for a whole 37 issues. By the way, it's funny, but there were actually 36 posts, because I accidentally skipped the 18th one.
And finally: what did I like the most? Six Flags, Chicago, Rick Wilcox, and the steak at Grand Lux Cafe.